Sharp and Pointy III: TGSONIP
by Sofricus Aurora Zakuro
Summary: Sora and Riku have embarked on a journey to reclaim the Golden Snickerdoodle of Nothing in Particular from Organization 42,601. What happens when SugarHigh!Namine and Reformed!Sephiroth join their party and the Keyblade is still not sharp or pointy?


Sharp and Pointy III

The Golden Snickerdoodle of Nothing In Particular

**Summary: **Sora and Riku have embarked on a journey to reclaim _Cookie World's _lost treasure from the evil Organization 42,601, with the intent of using it to defeat the SporkMeister Zach. What chaos will ensue when Sugar High! Namine and Reformed! Sephiroth join up with our heroes…and the Keyblade is still neither sharp nor pointy?

**Axel (Disclaimer): **Sofri owns nothing recognizable. She owns Organization 42,601, she owns Castle The-Opposite-Of-Oblivion, she owns _Cookie World, _the Golden Snickerdoodle of Nothing In Particular, and she doesn't own the SporkMeister because he owns himself. Got it memorized?

**Sofri: **Axel also has another announcement for you.

**Axel (Announcer): **There will be no yaoi in the Sharp and Pointy series. So…THIS IS NOT YAOI, got it memorized?

SHARP AND POINTY III

THE GOLDEN SNICKERDOODLE OF NOTHING IN PARTICULAR

"Sooooraaa…we're lost," Riku whined as he stared around the blank, featureless desert.

"Well don't go whining to me about it. LOOK AT YOUR MAP!" the growing-angrier-by-the-moment Keyblade Master yelled at his spaced-out friend.

"Well…er…" Said spaced-out friend glanced at the chocolate-chip-cookie map that Kairi, the Supreme Empress of _Cookie World, _had given them when they agreed to embark on their quest to rescue the world's lost treasure, the Golden Snickerdoodle of Nothing In Particular. Or rather, he glanced at the _remains _of the chocolate-chip-cookie map that Kairi, the Supreme Empress of _Cookie World, _had given them when they agreed to embark on their quest to rescue the world's lost treasure, the Golden Snickerdoodle of Nothing In Particular.

_Poof-a! _A nondescript man in a nondescript gray suit appeared in front of the pair. He spoke in a monotonous monotone. "I am Joe J. Joe, Director of Literature Director of the Department of Redundancy Department. I am here to arrest you both for redundancy, as well as present your authoress with the Most Redundant Sentence award."

"HE DID IT!!" the two yelled simultaneously. Sora pointed at Riku. Riku pointed at a stick.

Joe J. Joe frowned. "He did it?" he asked, pointing at the stick. He scratched his head, still pointing at the stick.

"Hey, you were redundant!!" Sora realized, yelling at the man.

"Hmph," the Department of Redundancy Department member grunted. Knowing the Keybearer's sentence was true, he picked up the stick and poof-a'd back to where he belonged.

"Whew," said Sora. "That was close".

"Whew," said Riku. "That…"

Sora attempted to prevent his friend from more redundancy by poking him with the Keyblade. Of course…

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh……." Sang the disembodied voice.

"Hey, STOP IT YOU!!" Sora yelled. He had hit boiling point.

"Aw, but I got fired from my night job! I need this one!" the voice replied.

"Well I DON'T CARE!!"

"I'll bring you pop tarts!"

"NO!!"

"Come on, Sora, Pop Tarts!!"

"NO!!"

"All poppy…and tarty…"

"NO!! I'M FED UP WITH YOU!!"

"I'll give you…STRAWBERRY!!"

"SHUT UP!!"

"BLUEBERRY!!"

"HALT DIE KLAPPE!!"

"APPLE!!"

"QUIET!!"

"CINNAMON!!"

"AMERICAN HISTORY!!"

"What…"

Sora and the disembodied voice paused, trying to find the source of the "American History". It was Riku, of course, pointing off into the distance.

"What IS IT, Riku??" Sora screamed. He had hit boiling point.

_Poof-a! _It was Joe J. Joe. "A person can't have more than one boiling point. You're being redundant!!" he announced in his monotonous monotone.

Sora charged at the man. "I can TOO have multiple boiling points! I'm the Keybearer! I'm SPECIALRIFFIC!!"

Joe ducked. Sora charged. Joe ducked again…

"Noooo….I was redundant!!" Another _poof-a _and Sora and Riku were alone (the disembodied voice had quit and moved to Timbuktu, though you can see it again in russanodrey's Authoress Invasion story). "Now WHAT was that yell about?" Sora questioned.

"I had something important to say…I kind of forgot it…" the silver-haired boy pondered for a minute. Suddenly, his face lit up. "Sora, I remembered! The important thing I was going to tell you was…"

"I'm not wearing underwear today!

No I'm not wearing underwear today!

Not that you probably care

Much about my underwear!

Still nonetheless I've got to saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

That I'm Not Wearing

Underwear

…Todaaaaaaaaaaay!!"

Sora stepped several paces back in disgust. Applause echoed through the plain. The angry

Keybearer whipped around, tripped over his dorky clown shoes, and went sprawling into the dust. Applause echo…

THIS SENTENCE HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED TO AVOID THE RETURN OF JOE J. JOE.

"CENSORED!!!" (Angry Sora)

Anyway, once Sora got up, he saw two figures. One he knew far too well, the other he _thought _he recognized. The one he didn't know was a pale blonde girl in a white dress. She had large blue eyes and was carrying a sketchbook. She was also bouncing up and down yelling something unintelligible about llamas.

The second….was barely describable. A silver-haired villain with a long (sharp and pointy) sword that Sora recognized from numerous fights was standing next to the only tree on the dusty plain. 

Actually, he wasn't standing next to it. He was…._hugging the tree??_

"Sephiroth?" Sora exclaimed, his anger forgotten.

"Squeeeeeeeeeeeee…." the SOLDIER replied as he danced in circles around the tree. "It's such a PRETTYFUL tree!! Where's Cloud? Where's Tifa? I want to say sowwy to all of them and give them a big hug…." Suddenly, the villain broke into wracking sobs.

(FFVII SPOILERS BELOW)

"I killed Aeris…now they'll never forgive me…."

(END SPOILERS)

He jumped up again, all sobs gone. "But the TREE forgives me!!" he squealed, and glomped the tree.

"S…ephiroth?" Sora exclaimed.

"SOWA!!!" the villain-turned-tree-hugger exclaimed. "WIKU!! Guess what? I wefowmed!!"

Sora looked confused (and angry,) but Riku seemed to clearly understand. "He said he's actually a small penguin named Sir Baron Barnoffulus the Third."

But the hyper blonde girl quickly corrected them. "He…he…he's reformed! He's not…a villain…anymore…WOOHOOO!!" She was obviously sugar high.

_POOF!! _Vexen appeared out of nowhere. "Excuse me, Miss," the Academic addressed the girl, "You could potentially provide some very valuable information for my research: Is the sugar you got high off of a monosaccharide, a disaccharide, or a polysaccharide?"

This made Sora angrier. He poked Vexen with the Keyblade to make him go away—but it wasn't sharp and pointy, so he didn't. Eventually, as the girl showed no inclination to respond to his question, Vexen left in a puff of ANTI-logic.

That aside, Sephiroth turned to Sora with a big grin on his face. "Sowa, can I come wit yoo?" the villain-turned-tree-hugger asked in a babyish voice.

"GREEN PEPPERS!!" yelled Riku.

"NO!!!" yelled Sora.

"Why…" pouted Sephiroth, giving him a puppy face.

"Because…YOUR SWORD IS SHARP AND POINTY!!!"

"RAZZLE DAZZLE POLKA DOT WITH PURPLE STRIPES!!" Riku put in.

"But PWEASE, Sowa?"

"NO!!"

"LLAMAS!!" The blonde girl joined the fray of yelling.

"SQUEE!"

"CHEESE!!!!!!???!!!!??!!!!!!!!$$$$!"

"MUFFINS!!"

"MOSQUITOES!!"

"NO!!"

"PLEASE!!"

"AMERICAN HISTORY!!"

POOF! Vexen interrupted by appearing again. He turned to Riku. "I have another question for you to add to my research: Have you ever had _imaginary _conversation with _imaginary _people?"

Riku adopted the stupid grin he was sporting more and more often. "Yes, in the library," he responded.

(A/N: Inside joke. But then again, most of it is.)

Vexen disappeared, and Sora turned to Sephiroth, who had buried his face in the tree while he sobbed. "OK, if you know the way to sneak into Castle The-Opposite-Of-Oblivion so we can steal the Golden Snickerdoodle of Nothing In Particular, you can come."

The girl jumped up and down, waving her hand. "Oh, I know, I know!! Pick me!! Me!! And I'll show you if he can come along!!"

Seeing no other choice, Sora nodded.

"I'm Naminé," the girl told him. "And right now I'm supercrazyhyperspasticcuzIhadGUMMYBEARS!!!"

"Oh my word…it's not as if Riku isn't enough to put up with, now I've got Miss Gummy-Bears and the One-Winged-Tree-Hugger…."

Sora paused. "It's the apocalypse…I sound LITERATE!! And NOT STUPID!! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!"

"Shut up!" yelled Namine.

"Make me!"

"Fine!"

She grabbed two of Sora's spikes, pulled his face until it was about two inches from hers, and….

…….

Started singing in his face. "It's peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time! Now where he at? Where he at? There he go! There he go! There he go! Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat! Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!"

Needless to say, Sora shut up.

(Countless hours of not-enough-randomness-to-relate later)

"This is iiiiiitttt!! Castle The-Opposite-Of-Oblivion!" Namine crowed.

Sora gulped. Sephiroth hugged a tree he'd found. Riku started dancing an Irish jig.

Castle The-Opposite-Of-Oblivion was anything other than they'd expected. It was shaped like a teapot and painted a lurid green. Hot pink graffiti lined its sides. It was spewing a thick smoke that smelled like burnt paopu.

"Um…how do we invade this er…dangerous castle??" Sora asked.

"Forks!" yelled Sephiroth.

"Sugar!" yelled Namine.

"A secret passage in the chimney!" yelled Riku.

"Hey…that's not a bad idea!" Sora grinned at his friend. "Once we get inside, Namine can show us where to go!"

"I wanna take my tree," Sephiroth whined.

"I wanna take my gummy bears," Namine whined.

"I wanna take my tomato and my stuffed teddy bear named Officer Krupke!" whined Riku.

Sora growled. "No."

Namine and Riku grinned at each other, a diabolical plan forming in both their sugar-crazed minds.

"Sora is a pickle." Namine said.

"Sora is a pick.." Riku began.

"NOOOO NOT THE REDUNDANCY ANYTHING BUT THE REDUNDANCY!!" the Keybearer screamed, brandishing his not-sharp-and-pointy sword.

"Then let us take our stuff."

"Fine!"

(More hours later, inside Castle The-Opposite-Of-Oblivion)

Sora frowned. "NOW which way do we go!" he demanded angrily. They were in a junction of three passageways: a carrot-orange one, a hot-pink one, and a black one decorated with skulls, spikes, flames, and guns.

"Um…how about the threatening-looking black one decorated with skulls, spikes, flames, and guns?? I think it might lead to the kitchen." Namine suggested.

"And a snickerdoodle would probably be in the kitchen," Sephiroth added, glomping his now-uprooted tree.

So they followed the threatening passageway, which sadly did not lead to the kitchen, but to the bedroom of the Superior of Organization 42,601.

Sephiroth skipped up to the doorway and knocked on it, speaking in a falsetto voice. "Hi, Mr. Superior, we're here to have a tea party."

BANG! The door slammed open in the One Winged Angel's face, revealing the angry visage of the Superior of Organization 42,601. It was….

Sora gulped. "Xem…nas…"

The former superior of Organization XIII, now superior of a much larger villainous organization, frowned. "No, not anymore. I submitted to peer pressure and changed my name to Mansex."

Sora twitched. "But the rest of the Organization is dead…"

Xe…I mean Mansex…smirked. "That's why I made an undefeatable Organization of…42,601 CLONES OF MY AWESOME HOTNESS!! Clones, **Attack!!!**"

Suddenly, a secret room burst open and 42,601 clones streamed into the room. They were all identical to Mansex, with a few differences, most notably in their clothes. Some wore lederhosen, some were cross-dressing in various shades of pink, some were wearing pajamas, some duck suits, and one was even wearing a loincloth. (Namine nearly barfed).

"Who d'you want us to attack, Superior?" asked Mansex Clone #265, who wore a firefighter's outfit.

"Them, you idiot!" replied Mansex Clone #7583, who wore a lab coat and had a hairstyle reminiscent of Dexter from Dexter's Lab.

"Who's 'them?'" asked a stupid-looking clone (who happened to be #40000) with green hair and tiny wings.

The original Xemnas/Mansex growled. "Attack the guy with the not-pointy sword, the guy with the tree, the blonde lady, and the weirdo hugging a teddy bear."

Riku cried at the last statement. Namine was still jumping around. Sephiroth was hiding behind his tree, whimpering like a two-year-old. The 42,600 Mansex Clones were preparing to attack.

"Let's get 'em" hollered a clone in a cowboy hat.

"Why?" asked a clone with Einstein hair.

"Because they're not pretty enough!" suggested a clone dressed as Maria from West Side Story.

"Because THEY STOLE MEH SOCKS!!" yelled a hyper clone dressed as the authoress russanodrey.

About twenty clones headed toward each of the four. Sora, realizing that his three…er…companions…were rendered incapable of self-defense at this moment, gulped as he readied his not-sharp-and-pointy sword…alone.

"Charge!" called the clone leading the group attacking Riku, who wore a Civil War uniform.

"UNGH!" yelled the clone leading the group attacking Namine, who was dressed as a bottle of mustard.

"Um…att…what's the rest of that word?" questioned the clone beginning to attack Sephiroth, who was dressed as Professor Finbar Calamitus.

"AMERICAN HISTORY!!" yelled the clone leading the attack on Sora, who had curly gray hair and wore a paperclip in its pocket. (inside joke)

Sora thought frantically. The four of them were nothing against Organization 42,601. And to make it worse, Superior Mansex had removed something from his pocket. It was…

THE GOLDEN SNICKERDOODLE OF NOTHING IN PARTICULAR!!

Sora gasped. He had to think up another solution….without the help of his friends (I mean acquaintances). Riku was in tears, Namine was unconscious from sugar overdose, and Sephiroth was performing a slow waltz with his tree.

Sora almost gasped…then a solution hit him.

"Hey Mansex! Guess what? Clones are REDUNDANT!! They're exact copies of you, so they're the most redundant things in existence!" The Keybearer's face glowed as he came to this realization.

Xemnas/Mansex growled. He knew what was coming next…

_Poof-a! _The sound echoed through the room, a moment later followed by a familiar monotonous monotone (even more monotonous than Mansex's).

"Mr. Mansex, I am afraid I am going to have to put you under arrest for Most Redundant Act In The Worlds." Joe J. Joe informed him informatively.

"NOOO!" the Superior sobbed. "I hate you!" He glared at the wielder of the not-sharp-and-pointy sword. "I hate you too, for bringing my arch-nemesis upon me!"

"Why is he your arch-whatever you just said?" asked the now recovered Riku.

"Because he won the Most Monotonous Monotone award in 4th grade, and I got 2nd!" the Nobody whined.

Sora may have imagined it, but he thought he saw a glimmer of a smile on Joe J. Joe's face. "Get him," he said to the air. Suddenly, black blobs in ties appeared out of nowhere and started arresting the clones, whacking them with wet noodles if they resisted.

Some tried to fight. A clone dressed in Viking garb took out about five before he was subdued. A red-haired clone tried to use some wrestling moves, but failed miserably. A clone dressed as Shakira tried to flirt with the things, but they would have nothing of it.

Finally, when the last clone had been dealt with, only Xemnas himself remained. He burst into sobs as Joe J. Joe clipped handcuffs onto his hands. With a final-sounding _poof-a!_, the pair disappeared.

Sora grinned at his friends—who, for once, seemed to be paying attention. Namine yelled 'Yay!' Riku gave him a thumbs up. Sephiroth started doing a celebratory dance with his tree. They all realized that once again, they had bested a foe smarter, stronger, and possessing of sharper-and-pointier swords.

The Keybearer skipped across the room (his anger gone for the moment) to retrieve the shining disk known as The Golden Snickerdoodle of Nothing In Particular. It gleamed golden-brown, and smelled sweet and delicious. Even better, written across the top in delicate cinnamon glaze was a map entitled MAP OF THE LOCATION OF THE LAIR OF THE SPORKMEISTER ZACH.

But Sora's celebration was cut short by his silver-haired friend's voice.

"Oh no…"

Riku seemed to be staring down at his fluffy ultraviolet-furred teddy bear, Officer Krupke. Wait…there was something different…

"Oh no…" Sora echoed.

You guessed it. _Poof-a!_

**A/N: **Well, that was Part 3. Tune in next time for Part 4, _The Revenge of Organization 42,602. _


End file.
